Wednesday, December 29, 2010

You can't stop the pumpkin

Notice its not-so-subtle method of escape:

Rocky start (heh)

Wiz and Tuppence haven't been particularly friendly to Rocky since he arrived. To add to the exclusion, he hasn't earned his fringe yet, it seems.
There's nothing worse than not having the right uniform at a new school...

This kind of sums it up:


Mind you, it's given Tuppence a new sense of confidence (no longer bottom of the pile!) and here she is, pushing forward for the first time:


She still nearly takes a finger whenever you feed her though.

Simple mistake or desperate measure?

HVB (Hunter Valley Brewery) was a trashy nightclub/dickhead magnet just five minutes' walk from our place. Mercifully, it shut down a while ago.

Of course, a mutant cousin simply emerged to replace it: The Valley.

I can tell it's striving to be a little classier (I use the word judiciously) but I did notice this perplexing excess of vowels as I toted my Yummy Noodles home the other day:


Is the extra 'e' suggestive of something beyond a nationwide spelling crisis? Are they struggling for business to the extent that they thought this little tweak might somehow help, at least subliminally, as if the sign itself were spruiking for patronage?

I do wonder. Honest. I have a lot of spare time (or not much at all, depending on my mood).

Oh dear

Australia isn't doing well in the cricket.
The future of Ricky Ponting, the captain, is looking shaky.

Personally, I loathe cricket and its parade of peroxided wankers.

As for Ponting, I've been driving Mick (a cricket fan, of course) up the wall by continually pointing out his resemblance to George W. Bush:



It's the reason why he can't frickin' bat – his eyes are too close together.
Why no-one has noticed this before is beyond me.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Think of the beautiful people!



This letter in the current issue of Sydney Star Observer (which I used to write for) really moved me:

OBJECTIFIED
Why is it many believe it’s fair game to criticise and objectify the muscular and athletic men and women of the GLTBI community?
Over the years I have heard nearly everything to put down and denigrate, and seen a lot of physical violence and unwanted attention toward those who choose to develop and maintain their bodies in peak form.
It’s time people stopped and thought about their actions when they criticise, bully and harass.  These are real people with emotions and feelings. Yes, some are arrogant, yet there are many  who are decent, have integrity and are respectful. Just because they choose to maintain their body in a form they want to does not mean anyone has the right to treat them any differently, nor does it give anyone permission to treat them like a piece of meat for their own lustful gratification.
Yes it’s human nature to look and admire, and many who keep fit appreciate the attentionyet there are boundaries which need to be kept and respect to be shown.  If you see signs of discomfort and irritability due to your attention be respectful and move on. I’m far from being physically fit and I’m definitely no Ben Cousins. Yet I have friends who are fit and hot and these friendships have developed through being respectful.
So instead of having a good bitch or throwing yourself at a person you deem to be ‘perfect’ say hello, show respect and keep within appropriate boundaries and you may be pleasantly surprised.
— Ashley
Oh honey, I can relate.
I, too, struggle with the burden of being ridiculously hot on a daily basis. All the jealous glares, the constant arse-grabbing …
It's exhausting.

These cheekbones weigh heavily, I tell you.

Seriously, though, I'm not sure if this letter is a brilliant piss-take or not.
Somehow, sadly, I don't think it is. Another reason why I don't miss gay Sydney.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Cancelled

I aborted the surgery.
We got to the hospital and I became increasingly uncomfortable with the situation; it all felt rushed.
They wanted me to sign a consent form that was basically a shopping list of procedures. Just in case, I presume.

Anyway, feeling relieved. I'm going to get a PET scan (another thing not scheduled that I should really have first) and then who knows.

Blech.

On a brighter note, pumpkin progress.

It's already swallowed the grevillea and is eyeing the frangipani:

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Creature comfort

I'm dreading tomorrow and that bloody hospital.
I really hope the resident harpy is already on holidays. The reason I'm having surgery so quickly is because the surgeons are going on Christmas break.
They're Jewish.

Speaking of which, I cannot fathom the reasoning behind draping every surface of a place where people are sick and/or dying with tinsel. Do they seriously think they're cheering anyone up?
If there's a little plastic Santa ho-ho-hoing anywhere in my vicinity (as there was the last time I was at the John Hunter) I may cause a scene.

Fortunately, the animals at home have been out in force to divert me.

First, we discovered another blue-tongue lizard, happily tucked away in an empty flowerpot:


And I'm proud to share that the magpie offspring have grown up quite a bit. They now comprehend how to find their own food, although they're still struggling with the concept of sharing.

Case in point, the keeper of the drumstick:


Most excitingly, we have a handsome new neighbour who arrived today.

Meet Rocky (on the right):


Things seem a little tense, but nothing several apples can't fix.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Life and death in The Bend

Yet another gruesome encounter in the backyard:


I managed to scare the spider away through sheer intrusiveness, but I sensed the situation was hopeless:


Speaking of which, my cancer's returned, this time on my chin, right where the last surgery happened.

I have to be at the ominous Interventional Suite at John Hunter Hospital first thing Monday.
They may or may not do a graft. How on earth they could make do with what little I have left of my lower face is beyond me.

I'm just looking forward to the Panadeine Forte.
And thanking god I have Mick.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Lessons in camouflage

Don't get me wrong, I think stick insects are adorable.
This one just didn't have the best sense of location:


To be fair, Mick had to draw my attention to him, but upon closer inspection he was clearly barking up the wrong tree, so to speak:

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Shiz happens

Disillusionment in minor celebrities is a common but unspoken travail of modern society.
There was a brief period, for instance, when I thought Liz Hurley was a glamorous, savvy woman.
Indeed, she parlayed wearing a Versace dress into a lucrative modelling career and then married a billionaire.
Ta dah!

Now I read she's thrown it all away for ex-cricketer Shane Warne:


Warnie, of all people.
That teeth-whitened, tangerine, peroxide-plugged buffoon, the only man to rival Paul Hogan in terms of questionable international Aussie identity.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Test of will

I'm not usually too squeamish, but I refused to kill this monster cockroach wedged in the front-door flyscreen:


Mick dutifully did it in but it's still there.

He now calls it Colin.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Horseshoe Bend peak hour

Bella Street:

Garden envy

I spotted this in the garden of the Maitland Regional Art Gallery.
I've never seen an artichoke plant before, let alone one that was flowering.

It's fabulous; John Wyndham meets Georgia O'Keeffe:

Orange you jealous

Just the ones that have fallen off the tree:

Moth rescue

In the spirit of Bondi Rescue, Manly Surf et al, here's a gripping account of a recent life-and-death struggle in the backyard.

At first, it was a muffled cry:


Then I saw the terror in its eyes:


After some deliberation –where does this end? Must I rescue every fricking flying bug? – I set it free.
It is, despite decimating various plants, adorable in its own way:


Mick said I was working against nature.
Not for the first time.

... and the kitchen sink

Spotted today, I sent this to Free Signs, my friend Norm's blog.

By Bend standards, it was a bonanza:

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Think of the spiders

I read an alarming story about the rise in obesity among pets and even wild animals living in proximity to humans.
At the very least, the phrase "fat virus" caught my attention.

Anyway, I fear our St Andrews Cross spiders could be succumbing: