Let me count the ways.
1) On Channel Nine's increasingly barren mantelpiece is Antiques Roadshow, a veritable Fabergé Egg, which has been gradually chipped away, at least five minutes time-wise, by the Talking Boonie doll that is Hot Seat. That the latter is the mutant spawn of the wretched Eddie vehicle Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? makes it all the more aggravating.
2) Five more minutes of Hot Seat does not equate to more questions, just more Eddie; i.e more self-satisfied, empty airtime and "human interest" blather – contestant battling illness, accident, retrenchment, irreparable hair-bleaching...
3) Eddie used to be the CEO of Channel Nine and is reportedly making around $5 million a year; he's an openly-Armani-clad idiot who feigns the attributes of the average Aussie. His continual (deliberate?) mangling of the English language is universally greeting with warm, comforted chuckling, which I find both infuriating and depressing.
4) He name-drops constantly and fawningly. Any male of any celebrity value is invariably a "top bloke". This is never used in a sexual context.
5) Any Hot Seat contestant who seems genuinely intelligent is apparently instructed to hide this affliction. Thus, we're constantly presented with extended, awkward, faux dimness... and that last-minute "lock it in".
6) Most other contestants are genuinely, staggeringly ill-informed; you can be guaranteed that every show will include at least one of them saying "[topic of basic knowledge] isn't my strong point, Eddie."
7) Intellectual strong points are rarely celebrated in Australia, let alone rewarded.
8) Given the above, and the mix of questions running the gamut of arcane sporting statistics to the minutiae of the lowest of popular culture, no-one will ever win a million dollars.
9) It's taken Eddie McGuire almost a decade to learn how to pronounce properly the word "millionaire" (I refer you to #3 and share your disgusted/envious recoil).
10) They have just added a contestant heart-rate monitor to proceedings:
Are they actually trying to cause a coronary attack for ratings or this this yet more evidence that Channel Nine is scraping an empty barrel?
No comments:
Post a Comment